Note: So I wrote a few drafts of today’s poem, and I’ve narrowed it down to two. I’m not sure which I like better, so I figured I would just post them both! Enjoy!
Draft 1:
I am screa-
-ming for you, calling your name, throwing it 
into the mountains, hoping the echoes will reach 
you 
 
my throat is bloody, 
bleeding, 
raw 
 
I am whis-
-pering your name in the dusk,
praying fairies and fireflies will hear it and find you 
 
blood covers 
every vowel I say 
my throat is closing, 
tightening, 
 
I cannot speak 
or scream
or breath 
Draft 2:

I’ve been whispering your name into the dusk,

hoping a fairy or a firefly will hear me and
find you
tell you I’ve been looking for you,
climbing up cliff faces, running through forests,
taking every subway line
tell you I’ve been crying in my sleep,
my mouth forming your name
even when I have no breath to speak
tell you
I’m still waiting, hands in my pockets, head down,
whispering your name
Day 6 of Na/GloPoWriMo
Prompt: Play with line breaks

6 thoughts on “4/6/18

  1. Imo, (take it or tell me off) the solid block is more impactful. Even with a variant of ‘blood’ 3 times in the first poem, i feel it gets lost in the double or triple spaces —and the hyphenations don’t add an extra edge to the word you chose to hyphenate. I also like scanning the second one to see the differences between the long lines and short ones. It’s visually appealing:)

    Like

    1. I like the explanation. I think you’re right that they hyphenations don’t really do much in the first one. Plus I think the imagery combined with how it kind of all runs together maybe works better together.

      Thank you for the feedback!!! 🙂

      Like

      1. feedback is subjective, remember. do what works for you! fuck feedback if it isn’t true to you

        Like

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